thoughts on harsh synastry aspects - by fr. greg

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Firstly, aspects in synastry are not the exact same as reading mundane or natal transits, although they are similar. They must be understood from the perspective that one person's planets are permanently transiting another's, but since these "transits" are expressed through a person, the influences will behave differently than transits occurring in the cosmos. Therefore we must think differently about the harsh aspects and really consider what these planetary influences mean.

For example, Venus in aspect to Saturn - a dreaded aspect in Synastry, but one of my personal favorites. In a natal chart, Venus in aspect to Saturn can often mean restriction, tightness with money, difficulty with love and prosperity with a potential for great rewards - these are two opposite sides of Earth energy, perhaps they can be conceptualized as the difference between the "sowing" and the growth of summer (Venus) and the "reaping", harvest and winter (Saturn). However in synastry, Saturn expresses itself to Venus as "the most lovesick swain" (to quote Liz Greene in her book Saturn, a New Look at an Old Devil) with much more staying power than Mars, who burns out quickly. Saturn is a planet of dutiful responsibility, while Venus is a planet of receiving and value - in synastry, they make a beautiful pair. Yes, it can be slow going - because Saturn wants to do things right, unlike Mars, which barges in single-mindedly to satisfy its urges. Saturn has patience, and Saturn also cares about others (perhaps too much sometimes, which can lead to nitpicking and criticism. Like Venus, Saturn can also be easily disappointed). But, I digress - ultimately, this aspect can lead to a beautiful, long-lasting love between two people. Venus is able to flower under Saturn's watchful protection, and Saturn finds an elevated purpose in providing his services to Venus, who appreciates his efforts. They appreciate each other, they both want to please each other. Remember, Saturn is exalted in Libra and the 7th house, Venus's domicile.

All relationships require friction to grow, which is why synastry experts will often say that harsh aspects - especially squares - are the "glue" in a relationship. It is how difficulties are overcome as a unit that binds a couple together and helps them learn about each other, it also provides the spice and spark of passion that keeps them together. A synastry full of trines and sextiles would be insufferably boring. (Of course, if someone is just trying to date casually and doesn't want to invest for the long term, I would look at Mars trines instead of Saturn squares.)

Saturn takes a lot of flack in Synastry but the true heavy hitters are the three outer planets - Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. Saturn is a social planet - still close to the Earth and something we intimately understand, since he represents the fatherly masculine energy with which we're all somewhat familiar. The outers are the ones ruling generations, irrevocably changing lives. It's those aspects to personals that you sometimes need to watch out for (although it is my personal belief that they only show themselves in a significant way in age-gap relationships of ten years or more).

There are other harsh aspects I like too, and others I do not - Mars/Moon can break someone's heart even though it's considered a great sex aspect; Mars/Venus burns out too quickly. Moon/Pluto can be deep and transformational, but can lead to some very hurt feelings - at least you know it affects both sides the same (unlike Mars/Moon). Squares to nodes can mean significant personal growth catalyzed by the other that will affect one's life trajectory. Mostly, we should simply think about how these aspects manifest THROUGH a person - at the end of the day, most people don't want to hurt others, people do not typically set out to cause others pain, and a natal chart or harsh aspects in a synastry do not make total happiness or total misery an inevitability.