on celibacy: love by and between celibate religious - by fr. greg

A few loose thoughts, this full moon:

It is a common misconception that celibate religious, priests included, are not allowed to love others. In fact, this could not be further from the truth. As Donald Goergen explains, the tendency towards the genital act is affective of human relationships, but neither the ultimate or solitary goal of these relationships. Thomas Aquinas also explains that to be a virtuous Christian celibate, the celibate must understand their own sexuality and it must be fully integrated into their psychological landscape. Total insensitivity to love, to touch, to sensual pleasure is as lacking in virtue as extreme promiscuity - celibacy is not entirely about denial, it is not a solely ascetic practice. The ultimate goal of human relationships is love. God is love. Love is the center of the universe, around which we all revolve.

Love by, for and between Catholic clergy throughout history is well documented, and a source of immense spiritual nourishment for those who have experienced it. Take Francis of Assisi and Clare, Catherine of Siena and Raymond de Capua, Vincent de Paul and Louise de Marillac, John of the Cross and Theresa de Avila. Take, for example, Teilhard de Chardin and Leontine Zanta - de Chardin, who said that "purity is a singlemindedness of direction" - direction towards Christ. Take, for example, Jordan of Saxony, and his beloved Diana d'Andalo, both celibate Dominicans, united in their fervent love of God. Some of his letters to her survive, some excerpts:

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Jordan of Saxony to Diana d'Andalo, 1223 - 1231, excerpts

"Let it not be a heavy burden on you, beloved, that I cannot all the time be with you in the flesh, for in spirit I am always with you in love unalloyed. Yet I cannot wonder that you are sad when I am far from you since, do what I may, I myself cannot but be sad that you are far from me; but I console myself with the thought that this separation will not last forever: soon it will be over, soon we shall be able to see each other, endlessly, in the presence of God's Son Jesus Christ who is blessed for ever." – 1229

"Because I cannot see thee with the eyes of my body, as I wish and as thou wishest, I have written to thee several times since I left Bologna, lest by hearing various and inexact rumors about me, thy spirit might be disturbed. Know then that at Bresica I fell ill of fever, but by the mercy of God I have recovered and arrived safely at Milan. I hope in the Lord Jesus to be able to proceed farther. Therefore, console thyself in the Lord so that I too may be consoled, for thy consolation is for me, a joy and exultation before God." - 1223

"I do not return to you like for like (of that I am only too sure) for thou lovest more than thou art loved by me. However I am unwilling that by this love, pleasing indeed to me, thou be too much afflicted in body or wearied in soul." - 1225

"When God will wipe away every tear from the eyes of the saints, He will also wipe away those bitter tears shed so abundantly by thee, weeping over my departure. I had hoped, however, by the inspiration of the Benign Consoler to give thee by letter some consolation even though it were not according to the multitude of the sorrows in thy heart." - 1227

"Long is this greeting from me to thee, dearest Sister (or if you will not disdain it, I shall call you daughter, or more truly still, sister and daughter), but however long it is, it is not able to express an affection that is not little. What therefore shall I say about the very great love which I often feel for you in Jesus, our Mediator, Who is "the mediator not only of men loving each other in Christ" but between God and men, "Who made both one." He made them one so that God would be man and man God, that man would love God in man and man in God. Lovable and always to be loved is this love in which He embraces not the angels but the sons of Abraham. "Let us love each other"; let us love in Him and through Him and for Him. Let us run in love for each other through this same Jesus, Who is the Way since He is the Leader, Who is the Truth that we may come to Him, Who is the Life since He gives it, Who lives and reigns in this life and in the kingdom of glory. Love itself would teach, nay, force me to write many more things to you concerning love." - 1228

"The love by which thou dost strongly and truly embrace me according to God in Christ suggests nothing to thee about me except that I too love thee. And this indeed I do; otherwise I would not be an imitator of Him who said: "I love them that love me." Even "the heathen and the publican do this." I would be worse than they if I did not love thee. But I know that I am more loved by thee than thou art by me, I am sorry thus to cheat thy love. I do thee injury. Thou hast long ago thrown the seed of thy love in my heart, a sterile ground, and thou dost not reap fruit from what thou hast sown. Thou hast sown much and reaped little. Less is the love thou reapest than that which thou hast scattered in great heaps upon me. But bear it patiently. I inflict this injury not on thee alone but on thy Spouse, Christ whose Father, "the husbandman," has long awaited from me the "precious fruit of His precious seed." "Thus has God loved me that He gave His Only begotten Son for me." O what true love, what good seed I have received! But where, I ask, is the fruit? Where is even a little return for such love? Ah, O Lord, thou who art also the Father, where is my love for Thee? O cursed land of mine that "brings forth thorns and thistles." That, I think, if thou dost attend, suffices for the handmaiden; She is made "like unto her Lord."

I rejoice to be loved by thee, but it takes away the joy to know that thou art less loved by me. Thou lovest me just because thou thinkest thou hast received from me the word of salvation and the gift of thy conversion. But I think that before we met, thou hadst already "conceived in the womb (of thy heart the word of salvation) through the Holy Ghost." And therefore, the more gratuitously thou lovest me, the more abundant is the confidence thou dost place in me by wishing to depend upon my counsel. May the "angel of great counsel" place in us His gift of counsel and good maxims." 1228

"Dearest, although I must hasten in writing to thee, yet I will try to write thee at least a little something that may be able to give thee some joy. For thou art so imprinted on the marrow of my heart that not only am I not able to forget thee, but rather I bring thee to mind the more often, the more I think how sincerely thou lovest me from the very depths of thy heart. Thy love, indeed, which thou hast for me, rouses very ardently my charity for thee and moves my heart very vehemently." - 1228

"Whenever I must leave thee, I do so not without a heavy heart, and moreover thou dost add to my pain, for I see thee then so inconsolable that I must grieve not only over our separation from each other but also over thy own particular desolation. But why cause thyself such agony? Am I not thine, am I not with thee? Am I not thine in labors, thine in repose, thine when present, thine when absent, thine when praying, thine when gaining merit, and thine, I hope, when enjoying the reward? What wouldst thou do if I should die? Certainly, not even in bewailing my death shouldst thou be so inconsolable. For at death thou wouldst not send me away, but on ahead to those most brilliant mansions in order that there I might pray to the Father for thee and be much more useful to thee while living with the Lord than when kept dying all the day long in this world.

Be consoled therefore-be more valiant and breathe more freely in the mercy and grace of Christ thy Lord Jesus, who is blessed forever. Amen." - 1231

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Maturity of relationships is not codependency or independence, it is interdependence born of love, whether that love is conjugal or celibate makes no difference. They both work in service of the Christian vocation. The reality is that we as people need each other, even though "celibate" does mean "alone" in its Latin etymology. Still, another quote from Teilhard: "I have experienced no form of self-development without some feminine eye turned towards me, some feminine influence at work" (1979).